Another Spectrum

Personal ramblings and rants of a somewhat twisted mind


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Aspie Challenge #5

Face Blindness

If you change your hairstyle; if you change your usual lipstick colour; if we cross paths in a different environment than where we usually meet; if I usually see you wearing a neck tie but today you are wearing an open necked shirt; if I usually see you in jeans but today you are wearing a dress, then

I WILL NOT RECOGNISE YOU!

You will need to provide me with some clues. I find women are particularly troublesome in this respect as even a change in eye lining or the wearing/not wearing of mascara can throw me.


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Gaslighting

Although I had a supportive family that considered me “quirky”, “different” or “socially clumsy” and valued me as a person, the same can not be said for the rest of society, which often gave me the impression that I was wrong, broken, or backward. I am very grateful that those who are important to me have always accepted and valued me as I am. As a consequence I never found myself in a position of not liking myself. Even so, discovering I was on the autism spectrum felt like I had found the “on switch” to allowing me to be fully me. Many people on the spectrum are not as fortunate as I have been. Is it any wonder that so many people on the autism spectrum suffer from depression and other mental/emotional disorders?

Being an undiagnosed autistic has many challenges. When you compare your reactions to things with other people’s, you feel like you’re getting it wrong. When other people take things in their stride, and your brain feels like it’s expanding inside your skull to the point you can’t think, then you feel like you’re overreacting. And […]

via Gaslighting — Autism and expectations

WoW – a spectacle

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Like many people on the autism spectrum I am hypersensitive to sensory input – especially visual and audio input. This puts some events out of my reach. Shows with flashing lights, pyrotechnics or loud music can trigger severe migraines that can include fuge states or display symptoms that look so much like a serious stroke that even doctors misdiagnose what’s happening. One show I would very much like to see live is WoW – World of Wearable Art.

Our son in law is involved in WoW and our daughter invited my wife and myself down to Wellington to see the show. It’s something I’ve always wanted to see ever since it started back in the 1980s. However, after discussing the matter with family, we all came to the conclusion that it was not a show would have a good outcome for me.

So this evening while my wife, daughter and grandchildren spent an evening spellbound by the spectacular sets, costumes and choreography, I spent a very quiet evening in my daughter’s home babysitting a cat and dog. Such is life.

(Excerpts from the 2015 show)


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A stressed out Aspie

Most of the time I enjoy being me, but …

Sometimes being neurodivergent is frustrating. Take today for example. Over on another blog, a discussion developed between the blogger and myself over my relationship with Quakerism. Either I failed to understand what he/she was conveying, or he/she failed to understand what I was saying, but clearly we were talking past each other. No matter how carefully I tried to clarify what I was saying, the worse the situation became.

The blogger’s stance was that Quakerism is founded on Christianity, aka no Christianity, no Quakerism. Therefore only Christians can be Quakers. I attempted it illustrate how, although it has Christian roots, a group, with no creed or dogma, that believes that Truth grows and changes in the light of new knowledge, and where individuals are encouraged to find their own truths, will over time, hold views that might not be consistent with the beliefs of the founders. And today there are many non-Christians who are Quakers. Time after time, the blogger would reply as though I didn’t understand that Quakerism has its roots in Christianity and I’m an the most incredibly stupid and obtuse person he/she has encountered and then proceed to tell me again that Quakerism is founded on Christianity.

The topic of the argument is really irrelevant but it does illustrate how frustrated, and at times abusive, a person can get when miscommunication occurs. Being neurodivergent I find communicating with neurotypical people complicated and difficult at the best of times, and as neurotypicals make up around 98% of the population, it results in a lot of frustration. It can be hurtful too. There’s only so many times one can ignore comments such as “How many hours does it take for you to get out of bed and figure out how to put your pants on in the morning!?!?” before one begins to question one’s worth.

That blogger probably communicates almost exclusively with neurotypicals just as I do. I wonder how he/she would cope having to communicate almost exclusively with neurodivergent people in the way I have to communicate almost exclusively with neurotypicals – especially if he/she is frequently told how much of an idiot he/she is.

As an Aspie I have difficulty recognising if language is being used literally or figuratively. At age 67 I now have a complex and rich set of rules I can apply in determining whether something is literal or figurative, and these days it serves me reasonably well. But it’s still just a set of rules, and at times there isn’t a rule that covers a particular set of circumstances. This is especially so where a phrase or sentence has a lot of social or religious baggage associated with it and means different things to different people.

It was my attempt to explain this that brought up the pants in the morning comment. I’d like to say that such a response is unusual, but unfortunately I can’t. Too often it’s an excuse for yet another put down. In reply to the pants comment, I was tempted to say that sometimes I can take a very long time to figure out how to put my pants on. But I suspect that even if I explained that it would be due to a migraine attack affecting cognitive and motor skills, I somehow doubt the significance of his/her comment would sink in. As it turns out, the blogger has dedicated a post specifically to me and my apparent inability to communicate. Such is life.

For all you neurotypical people out there, next time you happen to encounter someone who seems a little different, consider that he/she has to spend all day making accommodations for people like you. Is it too much too ask that you spend a few minutes of your day to try and accommodate them?