Another Spectrum

Personal ramblings and rants of a somewhat twisted mind


Aging sucks

“I didn’t mind getting old when I was young. It’s the being old now that’s getting to me.” – John Scalzi Old Man’s War, 2005

I agree with Scalzi. Well, in the mornings anyway. Once upon a time I could spring out of bed, but these days it’s a monumental effort to do anything but breathe, and even that takes some effort. My head pounds as though I had a great time imbibing to excess the night before, and when I finally get to my feet, the best I can do is shuffle, dragging my feet a few centimetres at a time across the floor. Every joint hurts when it is moved. I really do look like a very old man – much older than my actual chronological age.

No doubt this is due the the effect of aging, combined with being on the autism spectrum, suffering from chronic migraine, and the co-morbidity of these two conditions of numerous other ailments, ranging from Raynaud syndrome and restless legs syndrome to Neuroinflammation and other immune disorders. In the developed world, the life expectancy of people on the autism spectrum is around 20 years less than for neurotypicals, so I’m grateful to have exceeded that by around 10 years.

Some time late morning these symptoms start to disappear, most by themselves, and some, such as the migraine headache, by medication. And by early afternoon I feel as fit as I did at fifty. By early evening, I feel like a twenty year old (well, as best as I can recall being twenty), and come midnight, I find the world as amazing as I did as a child, although at that time of night, there’s no one to share it with.

That “reverse aging” during the day (along with and abnormal circadian rhythm) probably goes a long way to explain why I’m reluctant to go to bed at night, especially with the knowledge that when I do wake up, it will be as an old man again.

However as some unknown authors once quipped, “Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many”, and “Growing old isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative”, I’ll suffer the mornings so long as I can enjoy the rest of the day.

If, what Gayla Reid wrote in All the Seas of the World is true –  “Old folks live on memory, young folk live on hope” – then I am still very young! It’s time to go and explore what’s left of 2018.



I couldn’t have said it better!

Spouting facts comes naturally to me. It’s a trait that I have with many (but not all) who are also on the autism spectrum.

But I often find I am short of words when I wish to express an opinion or an emotion or an idea. This too is a trait I have in common with many others on the spectrum.

I don’t often reblog, but when I do it’s because I have found a post that expresses an idea, feeling or opinion that I have been contemplating or struggling with recently, and have no idea how to express it in my own words.

The article below is not strictly a reblog in the WordPress sense, but its sentiments reflect much of why I have little time for Trump supporters. It can be found at many places on the Web, and it’s authorship has been attributed to a number of people, but I believe the original author is Adam-Troy Castro.

So here, in the words of Mr Castro, is why I think Trump supporters are stupid


An anguished question from a Trump supporter: “Why do liberals think Trump supporters are stupid?”

The serious answer: Here’s what we really think about Trump supporters – the rich, the poor, the malignant and the innocently well-meaning, the ones who think and the ones who don’t…

That when you saw a man who had owned a fraudulent University, intent on scamming poor people, you thought “Fine.”

That when you saw a man who had made it his business practice to stiff his creditors, you said, “Okay.”

That when you heard him proudly brag about his own history of sexual abuse, you said, “No problem.”

That when he made up stories about seeing muslim-Americans in the thousands cheering the destruction of the World Trade Center, you said, “Not an issue.”

That when you saw him brag that he could shoot a man on Fifth Avenue and you wouldn’t care, you chirped, “He sure knows me.”

That when you heard him illustrate his own character by telling that cute story about the elderly guest bleeding on the floor at his country club, the story about how he turned his back and how it was all an imposition on him, you said, “That’s cool!”

That when you saw him mock the disabled, you thought it was the funniest thing you ever saw.

That when you heard him brag that he doesn’t read books, you said, “Well, who has time?”

That when the Central Park Five were compensated as innocent men convicted of a crime they didn’t commit, and he angrily said that they should still be in prison, you said, “That makes sense.”

That when you heard him tell his supporters to beat up protesters and that he would hire attorneys, you thought, “Yes!”

That when you heard him tell one rally to confiscate a man’s coat before throwing him out into the freezing cold, you said, “What a great guy!”

That you have watched the parade of neo-Nazis and white supremacists with whom he curries favor, while refusing to condemn outright Nazis, and you have said, “Thumbs up!”

That you hear him unable to talk to foreign dignitaries without insulting their countries and demanding that they praise his electoral win, you said, “That’s the way I want my President to be.”

That you have watched him remove expertise from all layers of government in favor of people who make money off of eliminating protections in the industries they’re supposed to be regulating and you have said, “What a genius!”

That you have heard him continue to profit from his businesses, in part by leveraging his position as President, to the point of overcharging the Secret Service for space in the properties he owns, and you have said, “That’s smart!”

That you have heard him say that it was difficult to help Puerto Rico because it was the middle of water and you have said, “That makes sense.”

That you have seen him start fights with every country from Canada to New Zealand while praising Russia and quote, “falling in love” with the dictator of North Korea, and you have said, “That’s statesmanship!”

That Trump separated children from their families and put them in cages— managing to lose track of 1500 kids— and has opened a tent-city incarceration camp in the desert in Texas – he explains that they’re just “animals” – and you say, “well, ok then.”

That you have witnessed all the thousand and one other manifestations of corruption and low moral character and outright animalistic rudeness and contempt for you, the working American voter, and you still show up grinning and wearing your MAGA hats and threatening to beat up anybody who says otherwise.

What you don’t get, Trump supporters in 2018, is that succumbing to frustration and thinking of you as stupid may be wrong and unhelpful, but it’s also…hear me…charitable.


God is not real

In her book The history of God, Karen Armstrong, a former nun writes:

When I began to research this history of the idea and experience of God in the three related monotheistic faiths of Judaism, Christianity and Islam, I expected to find that God had simply been a projection of human needs and desires. I thought that ‘he’ would mirror the fears and yearnings of society at each stage of its development. My predictions were not entirely unjustified but I have been extremely surprised by some of my findings and I wish that I had learned all this thirty years ago, when I was starting out in the religious life. It would have saved me a great deal of anxiety to hear – from eminent monotheists in all three faiths – that instead of waiting for God to descend from on high, I should deliberately create a sense of him for myself. Other Rabbis, priests and Sufis would have taken me to task for assuming that God was – in any sense – a reality ‘out there’; they would have warned me not to expect to experience him as an objective fact that could be discovered by the ordinary rational process. They would have told me that in an important sense God was a product of the creative imagination, like the poetry and music that I found so inspiring. A few highly respected monotheists would have told me quietly and firmly that God did not really exist – and yet that ‘he’ was the most important reality in the world.

Professor Sir Lloyd Geering, noted New Zealand theologian and writer, would concur with the claim that “God did not really exist – and yet that ‘he’ was the most important reality in the world“. To him, God is the embodiment of our highest ideals, and not some supernatural being. Of course, Sir Lloyd would say that most Christians aren’t monotheists at all, but Trinitarianists, but that’s for another post (perhaps).


Mr Trump to the Rescue!

For those who fail to understand how Trump’s MAGA policies are working, Bill Peddie has described it perfectly in very simple language that even Trump supporters will understand in his post Mr Trump to the Rescue!

Bill Peddie's website

Let’s see now. The tax relief for the rich has left a hole in the US veterans’ welfare package which Mr Trump is going to fix by going deeper into debt.  Why were the veterans moaning?  The rich were happy.

More importantly, as far as I can tell, the recent Trump tariffs were introduced to make trade fairer for the US since the five % of the world’s population in the US only currently consume 25% of the world’s GDP.  Mr Trump was understandably shocked to discover that other poorer nations unfairly reacted to the US tariffs by introducing their own tariffs and for some unaccountable reason hit the very same states supporting the man behind the tariffs. Why would they do that we wonder?

Now the farmers (who voted for Mr Trump and his tariff policies) have realized that they are losing money, so the deeply indebted government will borrow some more…

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Jeff Sessions and Romans 13

I have no tolerance for Bible idolatry, and a similar tolerance of the current US administration, so when Jeff Sessions quotes the Bible to justify the inhumanity of separating children from their parents at American borders, I can’t stay silent.

Firstly, how can an administration of a country that supposedly is neutral on the matter of religion, quote any “holy” text to justify its actions? Why the Bible and not the Quran,  Shreemad Bhagavad Gita, Tripitakas, Kojiki, Agamas, or Kitáb-i-Aqdas? Come to think of it, what defines a “holy” text? What’s wrong with using reason, compassion and common sense? These are “God given gifts” that we should be using at every opportunity.

Secondly, Sessions is selectively using a Biblical passage out of context. There’s a very good explanation of what Romans 13 is all about from a peace maker’s point of view over on Thinking Pacifism. I’m not a fan of Paul’s writing, as he was a man of his time, and in today’s context, much of it is out of place or simply wrong. A USA Today article gives further insight into the passage and shows how it has been used and abused in American history.

Whatever evangelical and fundamentalist American “Christians” believe the message of Jesus of Nazareth is, it most certainly is not supporting or obeying unjust laws.

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Oh My Lorde! Damned if you do, damned if you don’t

Ella Yelich-O’Connor has decided to cancel her June concert in Tel Aviv as she feels it’s inappropriate to perform there at this time. As a result, she has been described as a bigot.

People who know me are aware of my caution with dictionary definitions as they sometimes fail to adequately describe subtle nuances or meaning within sections of society. So it is with some trepidation that I resort to a dictionary for a definition of bigot.

Cambridge English Dictionary: a person who has strong, unreasonable beliefs and who does not like other people who have different beliefs or a different way of life.

Colins English Dictionary: a person who is intolerant of any ideas other than his or her own, esp on religion, politics, or race

Webster’s New World College Dictionary: 1. a person who holds blindly and intolerantly to a particular creed, opinion, etc. 2. a narrow-minded, prejudiced person

Merriam-Webster Kids’ Dictionary: a person who won’t listen to anyone whose ideas or beliefs are different from his or her own; especially : one who regards or treats the members of a group (as a racial group) with hatred and intolerance

Synonyms for bigot would suggest that they are “unpleasant people in general”.

From those definitions, I believe it is unfounded to call someone a bigot where they are open to information from multiple sources, and make a decision based on the information available, even when the decision made is different to your own.

I am not privy to what information Ella had access to, but I am confident that the decision to cancel the Tel Aviv concert was not taken lightly especially considering a significant part of her world tour is through the USA where support for Israel is high.

If you don’t know who Ella Yelich-O’Connor is, you may be more familiar with her stage name of Lorde.

In the week between the announcement of the Tel Aviv event and its cancellation, there were many calls both for and against the concert going ahead. Speaking on the cancellation, Lorde said “I’ve received an overwhelming number of messages and letters and have had a lot of discussions with people holding many views, and I think the right decision at this time is to cancel the show. I’m not too proud to admit I didn’t make the right call on this one. I’m truly sorry to reverse my commitment to come play for you. I hope one day we can all dance.”

Among the many articles for and against the Tel Aviv concert in the NZ media were these open letters: Dear Lorde, here’s why we’re urging you not to play Israel and Dear Lorde, here’s why an Israel boycott is the wrong answer. No matter what decision she came to there was going to be people who would disagree with her. I have no issue with that. My issue is with that decision being a case of bigotry.

In response to Lorde’s decision, Roseanne Barr wrote on Twitter :”Boycott this bigot. Lorde caves to BDS pressure, cancels Israel concert. She’s so privileged that she’s SCARED that she might have to live one second in the face of fascist anti-Semitism (that she approves of) like the Israelis/Jews do.”

With a tweet like that, one has to ask who is the bigot here? Lorde has decided that doing a concert in Israel at this time will be seen as giving tacit support to the policies of the Israeli government. How is choosing not to give that support anti-Semitic? Unless of course you believe the Israeli Government and the Jews are innocent victims while every Palestinian, man, woman, and child is out to wipe Israel and its Jewish citizens from the face of the earth.

Similarly, a full page ad in the Washington Post on New Year’s Eve accused Lorde of being a bigot and her home country of being anti-Jewish because it voted in favour of a UN resolution calling for the US to drop its recognition of Jerusalem as Israel’s capital. The ad included comments such as “Let’s boycott the boycotters and tell Lorde and her fellow bigots that Jew-hatred has no place in the twenty-first century”. Regardless of where one stands on the Israel/Palestine conflict, it is extremely difficult to ignore the plight of the Palestinians in all this. To say that a concern for their plight is “Jew-Hatred” is a nonsense in my view. Whether Lorde chose the right course of action is open to dispute, but to claim that the action is an act of bigotry is an entirely different matter. In fact such claims are likely to close dialogue rather than open it and to harden attitudes.

My personal stance is that I lean towards supporting Lorde’s decision. I am mostly in agreement with the open letter linked to above urging Lorde not to perform in Israel. However, The writers’ claim that the the 1981 anti-tour protests are proudly remembered today is not entirely accurate – at least not for those who witnessed it first hand. It is perhaps one of the darkest periods in our history, the wounds from which we have not yet fully recovered. It pitted brother against brother and father against son – often violently so. It brought about a change in trust of the police in a large segment of the population that has not been restored, and it taught us that the veneer of a civil society is dangerously thin. It’s a topic I will cover in the not too distant future.


Being transgender is a mental disorder!

In most liberal democracies being transgender is not considered a mental disorder. For example, in Aotearoa New Zealand we are able to self identify as M, F, or X (Male, Female, or indeterminate/unspecified) and have driver’s licence, passport etc issued accordingly, and our anti-discrimination law provides the full protection regardless of how we self identify.

So I was somewhat surprised today to discover that a country that I’ve always considered to be liberal and tolerant still officially classifies being transgender as a mental disorder. That country is Finland

An email came across my desk from Amnesty International NZ which included the following:

He was just a child when he was first told he had to be sterilised.
Sakris Kupila has never identified as a woman, the gender marker assigned to him at birth. Yet the 21-year-old medical student must endure daily embarrassment because his identity documents say he is female. In Finland, the law requires that he be diagnosed with a “mental disorder” and sterilised before he can legally change his gender identity, a violation of his human rights.

For Sakris, the choice is clear. He opposes this cruel and humiliating treatment and is bravely defending the rights of transgender people by fighting to end the law. Despite the threats and hostility, Sakris won’t stop until the fight is over.

A quick search of the Internet seems to support that email. There even appears to be restrictions on “gender appropriate” names. However many of the same Web sites, also state that reconstructive surgery is also required in NZ. This is not accurate: medical treatment, (no mention of surgery) is required only if you wish to apply to the Family Court to have your gender changed on your birth certificate. And the Family Court seems to be taking an incrementally liberal view of what medical treatment actually entails. Accepting what one finds on the internet is fraught with dangers

Birth certificates are a public record in the same way as marriage certificates, death certificates and name change records. Personally I don’t see a need to change the gender recorded on a birth certificate if one chooses to identify differently, as that was what one’s gender was perceived to be at the time of birth, but I appreciate others will hold opposing views. Perhaps when gender is no longer considered binary, and one is free to move along a spectrum without judgement then legal requirement to place everyone into often poorly fitting boxes will disappear.

One immediate solution to the issue of gender identity would be to not record a gender on birth certificates. Personally, I’d be in favour of that. In this day and age why is it needed? What purpose does it serve? Perhaps someone can enlighten me on why gender needs to be recorded but not eye colour or a finger print or a dna print for example.

As an aside, I’m curious about what ‘gender appropriate’ names are. Is there some official list of male  and female names? What happens when someone wants to invent a new name or wants to use a foreign name? What’s wrong with being able to choose any name one wants? Admittedly, in Aotearoa New Zealand there are restrictions: names must consist of the letters A through Z and must not contain numerals or punctuation (with the exception of the hyphen). So while I can’t register V8 I could register V-eight. I can’t register 愛莉, but I could register Airi. If I felt so inclined, I could register late for breakfast, or Judy Is Beautiful, or even I am an arse-hole.





Three days lost

There are two conditions that conspire to make my life difficult at times. One is considered a mental disorder by the medical profession although I hope that in time this attitude will change. Once homosexuality was considered a disorder by the medical profession, and when I was a child, left handedness was certainly treated as punishable condition.

How times have changed. Today we understand that what is considered “normal” is in many cases, just the bulge in a bell curve of human variability, and one doesn’t need to be “cured” if one tends to be at either end of the curve.

Of course I’m referring to autism. While autism has its challenges, most of those challenges are because of the way other people, in other words “society”, respond to how I exhibit aspects of autism. While I think autism awareness is ideal in theory, I’m afraid that awareness isn’t accompanied by understanding. In Western culture, it seems that it’s being demonised as an epidemic; something that needs to eradicated, even to the point where the desire to  eradicate the person with autism is seen as understandable, although thankfully not condoned. This must change.

The other condition, and the one that has had the most effect on me over the last few days, is considered a disorder, by the medical profession, and with which I heartily concur, is migraine. Having been laid low by a particularly painful attack that has kept me in a darkened room for three days, unable to eat, think rationally or coherent thoughts, I would like nothing better than for science to find a cure, or even to reduce the severity, frequency and duration of attacks. Looking at the Migraine Buddy app on my phone, I see the following statistics for the last 31 days:

No. of attacks: 14
Average attack duration: 32 hrs 25 mins
Attack days: 27
Attack-free days: 4
Pain Intensity
(1 – 10 scale)
Minimum: 3
Average: 6.3
Maximum: 9

The three most common symptoms (apart from pain) are sensitivity to light and noise, and Tinnitus. These occurred in every attack. However following symptoms occurred in at least half of attacks: Aphasia, giddiness, sensitivity to smells, fatigue, blurred vision, blind spots, ataxia, and confusion, with nausea occurring in only six of the attacks. Distorted spatial awareness, hemiparesis, tremors, dysarthria, and facial numbness occurred in five attacks. There are a few other less common symptoms, but I think the list is long enough as it is.

While the frequency and duration of attacks are a little up on a normal month, it’s not by much. Migraines do limit what I can do and it means that I’m not able to make definite plans. Everything depends on my condition at the time. It means that I’m often seen as “unreliable” because I can’t commit to being at a particular place at a particular time.

Even blogging has to go by the wayside during a migraine, as I’m unable to string a coherent paragraph together, and I’m unable to perform even the basics of proof reading during many attacks.

Currently I’m in the postdrome phase of the last migraine. This means that although the throbbing head pain is gone, it still feels like I’ve been hit by a bus, and I’m not sure how coherent my writing is. The postdrome phase can take as long as a day, sometimes longer,  to finally fade away, but at least, that little guy with the sledgehammer who has been so busy inside my skull for the last 3 days has gone for now. For that I’m extremely grateful.