I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a romantic. The typical love found, love betrayed, love lost content of oh so many popular songs seldom appeals to me. On the other hand songs that express pure emotion do get to me, and the same is true of songs that comment on (non-romantic) aspects of life. This applies particularly to this song by Kiwi singer songwriter Sharon O’Neil.
O’Neil moved to Australia in 1981 and took up residence in Kings Cross – the red light district of Sydney. She wrote the song after observing a sex worker regularly worked the neighbourhood in the small hours of the morning as O’Neil returned from her late night performances. The music video was recorded 39 years ago and it’s still just as relevant today as it was in 1983. Maxine chronicles life of a corner of 1980s society that most like to pretend never existed, and let’s be honest still exists in almost every city in almost every nation on this planet.
Maxine peaked at number 16 in both Australia and Aotearoa.
Maxine – Sharon O’Neil
Maxine
Creases in your white dress,
Bruises on your bare skin.
Looks like another fine mess
You've got yourself into.
What's the matter with you?
Has the cat got your tongue?
Well, if you don't like the beat,
Then don't play with the drum.
Maxine,
You're not the only one
To take the whole world on,
But no one's ever won.
Maxine, Case 1-3-5-2.
A red and green tattoo,
Eyes cold steel blue
On a rain-slicked avenue, (ooh-ooh)
Long shadows in the night. (ooh-ooh)
Take off your spike-heeled shoes, (ooh-ooh)
You've gotta run for your life.
(Run for your life)
Razor blade in your pocket (ooh-ooh)
From an ex-marine, (ooh-ooh)
Makes you speed like a rocket. (ooh-ooh)
Ooh, it cuts so clean.
Maxine, (who's that walking?)
You're not the only one (walking behind you)
(Who's that talking?)
To take the whole world on, (talking about you)
(Who's that walking?)
But no one's ever won. (walking with you Maxine)
Maxine (who's that walking?)
Case 1-3-5-2. (walking behind you)
(Who's that talking?)
A red and green tattoo, (talking about you)
(Who's that walking?)
Eyes cold steel blue. (walking with you Maxine)
How come you're paying for borrowed time, (Ooh-ooh)
Staring out into space. (ooh-ooh)
Bad boys and cold comfort (ooh-ooh)
And a smacked-up face.
Maxine, (who's that walking?)
You're not the only one (walking behind you)
(Who's that talking?)
To take the whole world on, (talking about you)
(Who's that walking?)
But no one's ever won. (walking with you Maxine)
Maxine (who's that walking?)
Case 1-3-5-2. (walking behind you)
(Who's that talking?)
A red and green tattoo, (talking about you)
(Who's that walking?)
Eyes cold steel blue. (walking with you Maxine)
Maxine, (who's that walking?)
You're not the only one (walking behind you)
(Who's that talking?)
To take the whole world on, (talking about you)
(Who's that walking?)
But no one's ever won. (walking with you Maxine)
Who's that walking, walking behind you?
Who's that talking, talking about you?
Who's that walking, walking with you, Maxine?
Who's that walking, walking behind you?
Who's that talking, talking about you?
Who's that walking, walking with you, Maxine?
For the third Musical Monday in a row, I’m featuring an artist who has recently died. I hope it’s not going to become a trend, although at my age, many singers whose songs I have become fond of are now well into their seventies and eighties. So perhaps it’s inevitable.
Margaret Urlich was considerably younger than I am, and on 22 August lost a two year battle with cancer at the tender age of 57. She was well known in Australia and Aotearoa New Zealand and will be fondly remembered. I’m not sure how well she was known outside of these two countries. She started her musical career in Aotearoa before moving to Australia – unfortunately an all too common occurrence for NZ performers as the Australian market, being many times larger than ours, offers more opportunities.
In the late 1990s Urlich dropped out of the limelight, preferring family and being a high school music teacher. As reported in the NZ newspaper The Star, “I quite like being normal. I only ever started singing because I just love it. The whole fame side of it, I didn’t think about it that much and it always felt a little bit uncomfortable to me. I don’t need to have a high profile to be happy – in fact, I think the opposite is true for me.”
Margaret Urlich is one of those singers who, for me, flew somewhat under the radar, and it’s only now that she is gone do I realise that what is good about her music, and what was good about the person herself. Although she’s gone, her music will continue to live on. I’ve included five YouTube tracks – three solo performances and two from groups she was a member of in the 1980s.
I hope I never
This song was originally performed by the group Split Enz and was written by band members Tim Finn and Eddie Rayner. Released as a single in August 1980 it peaked for Split Enz at number 33 in the NZ charts. The Margaret Urlich cover was included in her 1999 album Second Nature.
I Hope I Never – Margaret Urlich
I Hope I Never
I fall apart when you're around
When you're here, I'm nowhere
I can't pretend that I'm not down
I show it, I know it
I've been a fool, more than once, more than twice
I'm gonna move to a new town where the people are nice
I hope I never, I hope I never have to sigh again
I hope I never, I hope I never have to cry again
I still want to beam and smile
Happiness is back in style yeah
I hope I never, I hope I never have to see you again
Again, oh oh oh oh
It should be possible I know
To see you without stress
But I can see I'll have to go
I'm changing my address
My urge to cry I have failed to conceal
Life - it's no fun when you're hunted by the things that you feel
I hope I never, I hope I never have to sigh again
I hope I never, I hope I never have to cry again
I'm for living while you can
I'm an optimistic man
I hope I never, I hope I never have to see you again
Again, oh oh oh oh...
I hope I never
I hope I never
I hope I never, never, never...
I hope I never, I hope I never have to see you again
Again.
Escaping
Escaping is a song written by Dina Carroll and was included in Margaret Urlich’s album Safety In Numbers released in 1989. It reached number one in the NZ singles chart. and has re-appeared on the Hot 20 NZ Singles (The 20 fastest-moving New Zealand tracks by sales, streams and airplay) at number 5, The Hot 40 Singles (The 40 fastest-moving tracks by sales, streams and airplay) at number 10, and at number 16 on the Official Top 20 NZ Singles chart (The 20 best-selling and most-streamed New Zealand tracks).
Escaping
Kid at heart playing games
In the shadows
Fall asleep make a wish
And the bad goes
I can dream can't I?
When I close my eyes
Kiss the world goodbye
You'll see me escaping
To a land faraway
In the night time
There's a secret place
Where no-one can hurt you
Desert you, no-one hurts you
That's why I'm escaping
Oh starry eyes am I
Knowing that when I try
To forget you
Love brings me out of my shell
I put my heart upon the shelf
Hiding inside myself
What am I doing?
No use in faking, fool for the taking
There's no more escaping you
Let me loose, set me free undercover
'Cos the night all around is my lover
And you're running into you
Where you wanna be
All you have to do
No shame in escaping
Oh starry eyes am I
Knowing that when I try
To forget you
Love brings me out of my shell
I put my heart upon the shelf
Hiding inside myself
What am I doing?
No use in faking, fool for the taking
There's no more escaping you
I can dream can't i?
When I close my eyes
Kiss the world goodbye
This time I"m escaping
Oh starry eyes am I
Knowing that when I try
To forget you
Love brings me out of my shell
I put my heart upon the shelf
Hiding inside myself
What am I doing?
No use in faking, fool for the taking
There's no more escaping you
Starry eyed am I
knowing that when I try
To forget you
Love brings me out of my shell
I put my heart up on the shelf
Hiding inside myself
What am I doing?
Rules meant for breaking
Feelings awaken, there's no more escaping you
There's no more escaping you
Number One (Remember When We Danced All Night)
Number One (Remember When We Danced All Night) was released in early 1990 as the second single from her debut studio album, Safety in Numbers and peaked at number 10 on the NZ charts at that time. It has re-appeared on the the Hot 40 Singles chart at number 39, and on the Hot 20 NZ Singles at number 10.
Number One (Remember When We Danced All Night) – Margaret Urlich
Number One (Remember When We Danced All Night)
Last night I took a cab to the south side
I took a walk over the old neighbourhood
Just by chance we ran into each other
After so long we spent apart
Years ago you were my first love
I'm not to blame, it took my little heart
We were so close
Time went by, we drifted apart
But remember when we danced all night
Danced till we cried, we were so in love
No matter how much the time goes by
You'll always be my number one
My own number one
I maybe a fool, I know I'm sentimental
Easy to get lost in a moment from the past
The love we knew, it still lingers
Those memories will always last
There's somethin' special 'bout a love for the first time
Can't be forgotten, can't be replaced
It was yesterday, we were young again
The moment that I saw your face
But, remember when we danced all night
Danced till we cried, we were so in love
And no matter how much the times goes by
You'll always be my number one
Things were so simple then, we were so innocent
I know we can't go back
But I'm thankful for the time we shared
Our worlds are so different now
We were so close
Time went by, we drifted apart, baby
But remember when we danced all night
Danced till we cried, we were so in love
No matter how much the time goes by
You'll always be my number one
Still every time I think of you
I get misty eyed but I won't come undone
No matter how much the time goes by
You'll always be my number one
When the Cat’s Away
Urlich was also a member of When the Cat’s away. This was a five member all female group formed in the 1980s. At the end of that decade it was one of the biggest live acts in the country, performing to audiences of up to 80,000. They are perhaps best known for their cover version of Melting Pot, which reached number one on the NZ charts and achieved gold in 1998. They disbanded in 1990 but reformed in 2001 and their live album Live in Paradise achieved platinum. The band was inducted into the New Zealand Music Hall Of Fame in 2021.
Asian Paradise – When The Cat’s Away
Asian Paradise
There's a strange white moon at my open window
There's a heat on the breeze tonight
I see the lights of the hotel burn in the trees
And I feel love is burning in me
I am caught in the change of a tropical rainstorm
Out there between green and blue
And it's telling me that you're so hard to forget
I'm a traveller just passin' through
Asian paradise you still haunt me
And it's so damn nice, I can tell you
I feel your burnin' in me
Asian paradise you still haunt me
I just close my eyes
I can tell you I feel your burnin' in me
Now the moon lies herself out on top of the water
She's as naked as we were born
And the satay and beer paralyses me here
And I'm feeling I'm already home
I am caught in the change of a tropical rainstorm
Out there between green and blue
And it's telling me that you're so hard to forget
I'm a traveller just passin' through
Asian paradise you still haunt me
I just close my eyes, I can tell you
I feel your burnin' in me
Asian paradise you still haunt me
I just close my eyes, I can tell you
I feel your burnin' in me
Asian paradise you still haunt me
And it's so damn nice, I can tell you
I feel your burnin' in me
Peking Man
Margaret Urlich was also a member of the band Peking Man. The band’s single Room That Echoes, where Urlich is the lead singer reached number one on the NZ charts in 1985. In the following year Peking Man won six categories at the New Zealand Music Awards: Album of the Year; Single of the Year; Engineer of the Year; Producer of the Year; Best Group; Best Album Cover.
Room That Echoes – Peking Man
Room That Echoes
You hear all the words that I tell you
You touch upon the things that I feel
Every movement I make tells a secret
I had promised I will never reveal
It's not that I'm trying to mislead you
It's just that I'm misleading myself
Now that the wall is completed
I'm taking time to build a house
I'm gonna build a room that echoes
Around and around and around with its own sound
'Round and around, I won't need to be there
'Round and around and around with its own sound
A sound that no-one has to hear
I'm painting my face with numbers
A message that you won't understand
I look at myself in the mirror
I give myself a helping hand
I will listen to the sound that surrounds me
Even though I won't be there at all
So, next time you need some stairs to fall down
Give my room of sound a very loud call
Around and around and around with its own sound
Round and around, I won't need to be there
Around and around and around with its own sound
A sound that no one has to hear
A sound
A sound that
A sound that tells
A sound that tells you
A sound that tells you what you've got
A sound that tells you what you're not
A sound that tells you what you need
A sound that tells you
Around and around and around with its own sound
Round and around I won't need to be there
Around and around and around with its own sound
A sound that no one has to hear
Around and around and around with its own sound
Round and around I won't need to be there
Around and around and around with its own sound
Round and around I won't need to be there
Around and around and around with its own sound
Round and around I won't need to be there
Around and around and around with its own sound
Round and around I won't need to be there
Around and around and around with its own sound
You’ll possibly notice that few of my chosen music tracks relate to matters of the heart – regrets or loves found and lost. But there are exceptions. This is one. I have presented one other track from this Kiwi singer songwriter: Damn The Dam, originally written as an advertising jingle but it became a number one hit and a popular protest song of the ’70s. If you like folk rock from the likes of Bob Dylan, Donovan or Simon & Garfunkel, then you’ll probably enjoy John Hanlon’s works.
This particular track was released in 2020 as part of the album Naked Truths. The track was originally a demo to which producer/arranger Russell Finch added piano and cello, assuring Hanlon that there was no need for him to sing it again. I agree. The voice, as it is, is perfect for this song. Enjoy.
I had to walk away – John Hanlon
Shadow on her face
The silence of her
Things I tried to say
It was all too late
The breaking of my heart
The lie behind my smile
Put on my bravest face anyway
and yes, I cried
And then I walked away
Then I walked away
And it was there and it was gone
And it was real and it was everything
And I knew I shouldn't love her
But I couldn't stop my heart
And it was right and it was wrong
And it had everybody talking
And I knew it from the start
Though it was really hard
And I had to walk away
I had to walk away
I had to walk away
This house is not the same
It's quiet now
And I can still see her happy face
In every room
I reach for her at night
Then I lie awake 'til dawn
Said she really tried
But the love in her just died anyway
Then it was gone
And she had to walk away
She had to walk away
She had to walk away
And it was there and it was gone
And it was real and it was everything
And I knew I shouldn't love her
But I couldn't stop my heart
And it was right and it was wrong
And it had everybody talking
And I knew it from the start
Though it was really hard
And I had to walk away
I had to walk away
I had to walk away
The song was originally written and sung by John Hanlon for a two minute advertisement by New Zealand Fibreglass to promote home insulation. It was part of a wide campaign in the early 1970s lobbying to make home insulation mandatory, and of course the company would benefit by having its home insulation products installed in every new home. It was possibly a brave move by the company, as two minute commercials were extremely rare at that time (still are) and only 10 seconds of the advertisement actually promoted their insulation product, glass fibre Pink® Batts®.
Electricity demands were rising rapidly at that time and the nation had historically built hydro power stations to meet the growing energy needs of the country. Dams, while a renewable resource, destroy much of the local natural environment by flooding vast areas of land. We were running out of rivers that were considered socially acceptable to dam, and insulation of homes was seen as a means of slowing down the ever increasing growth in electricity demand.
The advertising jingle proved so popular that it was released as a single and rose to #5 in the New Zealand hit parade in 1973. Hanlon made a condition of its release that all the profits from the song be donated to environmental causes. The song was then adopted by opponents of the Lake Manapouri hydro power scheme.
Today it’s remembered by most Baby Boomers, of which I am one, as a protest song – younger generations are probably unaware of it’s existence, and for those who are aware, it;s just another NZ folk song. Few remember that it started life as an advertising jingle for home insulation.
It’s odd, looking back to those days, that we young adults were very much into protests. It’s not just a 21st century phenomena that many today’s youth believe it is. We were just as idealistic as they are. In fact I venture that today’s youth is rather tame when compared to the youth of my generation. Among the causes we campaigned against were the Vietnam war and wars in general, gender inequality, nuclear weapons and testing, and in this country nuclear energy, Apartheid and sporting contacts with South Africa, destruction of the environment, whaling, to name just a few. Meanwhile in America and Britain, demonstrations against racial inequality frequently turned into highly destructive riots.
We were a generation with very high ideals, but somewhere along the way, we have been distracted by the needs of providing for self and family. As a generation, I feel were were, and possibly still are, more liberal and slightly more left leaning than the more recent generations. Perhaps it’s a false perception, but I feel that today the world is becoming more conservative, less tolerant than the sixties and seventies, has made definite a lerch to the right, and partisanship is very much more pronounced.
Back to the song Damn The Dam, written and sung by John Hanlon
Damn The Dam, Music and lyrics by John Hanlon, sung by John Hanlon, 1973
Leaf falls to kiss the image of a mountain,
the early morning mist has ceased to play.
Birds dancing lightly on the branches by a fountain
of a waterfall which dazzles with its spray
Tall and strong and aged, contented and serene,
a kauri tree surveys his grand domain,
and for miles and miles around him, a sea of rolling green.
Tomorrow all this beauty won't remain.
Damn the dam cried the fantail,
as he flew into, as he flew into the sky.
To give power to the people
all this beauty has to die.
Rain falls from above and splashes on the ground,
goes running down the mountain to the sea.
And leaping over pebbles makes such a joyful sound,
such as Mother Nature's meant to be.
I have grave reflection, reflection of a grave.
Trees that once lived green now dead and brown.
The homes of tiny animals and little birds as well,
for the sake of man's progression have been drowned.
Damn the dam cried the fantail,
as he flew into, as he flew into the sky.
To give power to the people
all this beauty has to die.
Damn the dam cried the fantail,
as he flew into, as he flew into the sky,
Damn the dam cried the fantail,
as he flew into, as he flew into the sky.
To give power to the people
all this beauty has to die...
I’m not a person who feels down if things don’t go as intended. Melancholy is doesn’t seem to be part of my DNA. About the only time I feel “out of sorts” is during a prolonged migraine episodes when it feels like my “get up and go” has “got up and gone”.
Although I don’t consider I have reached my “twilight” years, I’m definitely in my “late afternoon” years. Despite being a chronic migraine sufferer, and living for sixty years not knowing I was autistic, but feeling like I was a square peg being forced through a round hole I view my life as being a wonderful experience. I can’t imagine an alternative life being any better.
Mostly, I recall the good things that have happened in my life, and whether or not it’s good to do so, I tend to sweep memories of negative experiences under the carpet. One reason for this state of affairs is due to having alexithymia, often referred to as “emotional blindness”. I suck at reading the emotions of others, but I’m even worse at reading my own. I know happiness and contentment are pleasurable experiences and I know deep sadness is is not. Most others I’m oblivious to, and it’s only since discovering I am autistic have I learnt to recognise some emotions by carefully thinking about the physical manifestations that frequently accompany emotions.
If it feels like my blood is about to bool it means I’m angry (or wearing to many clothes or in the early stage of another migraine). If I feel a churning motion in my stomach, it means I’m nervous (or some food has disagreed with me or Im hungry or I’m in the early stage of another migraine attack). If my face feels hot, it means I’m embarrassed (or I need to remove a layer of clothing or I’m in the early stage of another migraine attack). If I find my hands or jaw is clenched then I’m most likely very stressed out (or I could be in a state of rising anger or I’m in the early stage of another migraine attack). If people ask me to repeat something I’ve said then it might be because I feel down and am talking too quietly (or I’m in the early stage of another migraine attack and I’m slurring my speech, or we could be in a noisy environment). And so the list goes on.
Learning to recognise emotions this way is quite confusing. For example, If I feel my eyes start to water (and there’s no irritant present) does it mean I’m happy, or sad, or both or something else? If I feel a lump in my throat is this really nostalgia tinged with sadness? What else can it mean? And is it something else if I experience both the lump and the water? I really have no idea.
Over recent weeks I’ve been having moments where I recall my thoughts from my teen years many decades ago when I was beginning to understand that I was in some way different from everyone else and very different from my peers. I don’t recall having any feelings one way or the other as it dawned on me that everyone had a group of friends and I had none; that others seemed to revel in loud and noisy events where everyone talked very loudly, but I was unable to make out a single word and I’d be physically ill within five minutes of arriving; That I had no clue about the topics fellow teenagers were talking about and none of them seemed interested in why the Ab class locomotive was so ubiquitous in NZ or the nature of black holes or what technology driverless cars might employ in the future.
While I was very comfortable in my own company, I realised that having conversations with myself was not very profitable. I don’t recall feeling sad or angry or disappointed about my situation. I simply accepted that that was the way it was. But now when I look back at those moments when I began to realise that I was in some way very different from everyone else and would never fit into their world, I do feel a discomfort somewhere just below my diaphram. I’m not able to distinguish between mild indigestion and hunger, and I rarely have either sensation, but this sensation is something like that. If I’m sitting or lying I have to get up and do something, but I have no idea what or why.
I’m guessing the flashbacks and the uneasy feeling are associated but how and why? I’m confident I understand my teen self better now than I did back then. So are the sensations due to a reliving of emotions of the past that I wasn’t aware of at the time, or are they new emotions created out of hindsight and in the full knowledge of what was to come. Either way, what does this sensation represent? Regret? nostalgia? Sadness? Disappointment? Loss? Something else? I’m assuming it’s negative because it’s unpleasant.
I doubt very much that it’s happiness due to knowing how my life has turned out. For the most part I think I’ve been blessed: a best friend companion and lover for almost 50 years; two wonderful children and three amazing grandkids. What more could I desire? While there’s always a possibility that the discomfort and the flashbacks are unrelated and purely coincidental, I don’t think so. And that’s because after hearing a particular song this morning, the hunger or indigestion was much stronger and still lingers.
Popular songs have always been about the hopes and disappointments of romance, but scattered among them are a few that deal with the hopes, dreams and disappointments of every aspect of life. I find song lyrics fascinating because it is often very difficult to know what a song is really about. The song I heard this morning was one of my favourites at round the time I left school or perhaps shortly after and was about the time I realised that I was not a typical teenager by any stretch of the imagination and never would be.
As I listened to the track, I suddenly felt the discomfort rise as these words were sung:
People all around, they never seem to notice me
Maybe because my mind's behind a cloud that no-one sees the wood for trees
What's wrong with me?
Did those words speak to me then but I didn’t realise it, or are those words speaking to me now reminding me how much my life would have been different if I was not autistic? I don’t know. What I am sure of is that I’m unlikely to get a good night’s sleep thinking about it. Bugger emotions! (Is that frustration, irritation, anger, regret or something else?) They’re so confusing. It’s at moments like these that I wish I hadn’t had any mindfulness training, and I’d remain blissfully unaware of the connection between emotions and bodily sensations.
For anyone interested in hearing the source of my discomfort, here it is. I was into psychedelic music at that time which is why I might have found this piece attractive Perhaps all I’m feeling is nothing more than nostalgia for a music era that no longer exists. Oh I give up!.
It still comes as a surprise to me to realise my perspective on many aspects of life have changed over the years. I’m also reminded that much of what I comprehend about the society in which I live is viewed differently by others. Some nuances are so subtle that it is only now in hindsight and because they are topics of debate today that I realise I did not understand let alone appreciate some social norms I grew up with.
One of these is gender roles. I completely failed to recognise that society had different expectations of men and women. It even baffled me why certain types of attire were considered appropriate for one gender but not the other. But it was the more subtle expectations for both men and women that I failed to pick up on and was oblivious of their existence.
I grew up in an era where most families could live in moderate comfort on a single income and virtually every household had a stay at home parent while there were children in their care. It never occurred to me that the reason most households had a stay at home mother and not a stay at home father was primarily due to social expectations and not a matter of choice negotiated between the parents.
Prior to my teen years, I adopted whatever behaviour and role I felt suited me, and being unaware of social expectations, I simply took on aspects that today would be viewed as gender nonconforming or nonbinary. Starting in my early teens I had most of this adaptation knocked out of me as I became aware of the negative views many held about me, and especially by acts of violence that I thought I had provoked merely by being different from the norm. I wasn’t fully cognisant of the disapproval being gender biased. Instead I had an understanding that it was not acceptable for me, as an individual, to exhibit such behaviour without understanding why.
It wasn’t until my mid twenties when it dawned on me that there were oh so subtle ways that societies place different expectations on men an women. The first occurred on my honeymoon when my new mate prostrated herself in front of me promising to be a good and obedient wife. To say that I was surprised is an understatement. I was shocked and appalled. I made it very clear that I was expecting an equal partner, not a servant. I later learnt that she was just as shocked at my response, but pleasantly so. Admittedly her culture had (and still has) more clearly defined gender roles, but it’s only a matter of degree, not that it was absent in my own culture.
The second occurred after I grew a beard in the mid 1970s when they were far less common than now, but more often worn by men of privilege. I didn’t grow it as a sign of masculinity or as a fashion statement, but because I loathed shaving and having very wavy hair, ingrown hairs were an all too often painful fact of life. Overnight the way both men and women responded to me changed – especially those who did not know me personally. It was quite an eye opener.
Both genders tended to be more polite to me but in different ways. Men tended to treat me as an equal or as someone slightly more “knowledgeable” than themselves. I was also assumed to be older than I was. Women on the other hand tended to display a sightly more subservient role in my presence as if somehow the beard gave me more authority. I felt even more uncomfortable in the company of others than ever before – both men and women.
The reason I was prompted to write this post was that I heard a song this morning that was a favourite of mine in the late 1960s. It has always brought a lump to my throat and a little water to the eye. It reminded me so much of the relationship between my parents who had so much respect and love for each other, although rarely expressed in the presence of others. I’ve always viewed the words as an expression of love by an equal partner, but when I now hear the answer to “what should I want from life?” in the last verse, the answer makes me somewhat uneasy. There’s an implication that one’s worth as a woman is measured by having a loving spouse. Or am I reading too much into the lyrics?
Allison Durbin – I have loved me a man (1968)
I have loved me a man, like my momma did
I have loved me a man.
Tall and tender, his hands like my daddy's were
With a mind that understands
And the arms that held me when I would cry
The lips that kissed away my tears
They're a part of the man that my momma loved
And I have loved me a man
I have wed me a man, like my momma did
I have wed me a man
I can still feel the warmth of the words he said
He held my heart tied in his hands
And in the morning I would wake by his side
And wonder what I could have done
To be loved by a man like my momma loved
And I have loved me a man
I would bear him a child, like my momma did
I would bear him a child
She'd be gentle and sweet, like my momma was
I'd watch her grow and in a while
She'd ask me momma what should I want from life
And I would tell her with a smile
Just be loved by a man like your momma loved
And I have loved me a man
And I have loved me a man
As we head into late February and temperature climbing above 29°C (84°F), today, my thoughts had turned to enjoying a pleasant relaxed day accompanied by some equally relaxing music. Then the painters arrived.
We’ve contracted painter to give the exterior of the house a total going over – all three storeys. The next few days are going to be constant noise with water blasters and minor repairs taking place before the painting starts in earnest. Not precisely a relaxing atmosphere.
Normally on days like this, the ranchsliders (Kiwi name for aluminium framed glass panel sliding doors) and windows are fully open to allow any breeze to flow through the house keeping temperatures in the comfortable range. Not today. While I might just be able to tolerate the noise (perhaps), the jet and spray from the water blasters are a different matter altogether. So they are all closed for the moment.
Best I can do is suffer the heat – anything over 25°C (77°F) is above my comfort zone, hope that headphones played up loud will drown out the water blaster, and listen to music while pretending to sit under a tree in dappled shade listening to songs such as in the three video clips below. Not sure why, but I’m in the right frame of mind to listen to songs such as these.
Bic Runga – Something Good
Something Good
Just wanna know ya
Just wanna talk to ya
I wanna hear about your day
I'd never leave ya
Never be mean to ya
I'd always let you get your way
Something good will come our way
And maybe this good thing's gonna happen today
If I were honest
I'd tell you everything
But it keeps coming out as lies
Its' not a promise
In case your wondering
It's not some blessing in disguise
Something good will come our way
And maybe this good thing's gonna happen today
Something good will come our way
And maybe this good thing's gonna happen today
I know romance is not in fashion
And my heart is on the line
If you would be so kind
To help me kill some time
Then something good just might come crashing
From the stars that light the sky
If you would be so kind
To help me kill some time
Just wanna know ya
Just wanna talk to ya
I wanna hear about your day
I'd never leave ya
Never be mean to ya
I'd always let you get your way
Something good will come our way
And maybe this good thing's gonna happen today
Something good will come our way
And maybe this good thing's gonna happen today
Something good will come our way
And maybe this good thing's gonna happen today
Something good will come our way
And maybe this good thing's gonna happen today
TEEKS – Remember Me
Remember me I wish I had the strength
To tell you how I feel
I wish I was brave
Like the soldier on the battlefield
See, my heart it races
Every time you're around
And I try so hard to speak
But I can't seem to make a sound
I know that if I walk away
I'll wonder what you would have said
And if you felt the same
But if you don't
It's okay
I'll be right here waiting if you change your mind
I don't care how long it takes
I don't care about my pride
If it's a thousand years
Or a thousand more
I'll be waiting
And darling all I ask
Please remember me
Please remеmber me
I wish I had rhythm
Maybe I'd ask you to dancе
I wish I could hold you
Like my father holds my mother's hand
I know that if I walk away
I'll wonder what you would have said
And if you felt the same
But if you don't
It's okay
I'll be right here waiting if you change your mind
I don't care how long it takes
I don't care about my pride
If it's a thousand years
Or a thousand more
I'll be waiting
And darling all I ask
I'll be right here waiting if you change your mind
I don't care how long it takes
I don't care about my pride
If it's a thousand years
Or a thousand more
I'll be waiting
And darling all I ask
Please remember me
Please remember me
Please remember me
All I ask
Please remember me
Goldenhorse – Maybe Tomorrow
Maybe Tomorrow
There's a story I know
We all leave and let go
There is nothing to hold us
In a moment of time
When the fruit becomes wine
And the thought becomes the memory
All of your sorrow
Maybe tomorrow
Will fade away in the air
Trying to please me
Making it easy
It won't be there
It won't be there
In your life
In your life
There's a story I know
We all leave and let go
There is nothing to hold us
In a moment of time
When the fruit becomes wine
And the thought becomes the memory
All of your sorrow
Maybe tomorrow
Will fade away in the air
Trying to please me
Making it easy
It won't be there
It won't be there
In your life
In your life
All of your sorrow
Maybe tomorrow
Will fade away in the air
Trying to please me
Making it easy
It won't be there
It won't be there
In your life
In your life
In your life
Oh, In your life
So, the Dixie Chicks are no more. They are now officially known as The Chicks. In the current political and social climate in the USA, I’m not surprised that the trio would want to change their name.
Caution: nostalgia follows
But they will never by my Chicks. You see, The Chicks was a household name in Aotearoa New Zealand in the 1960s, belonging to the pop duo sisters Judy and Suzanne Donaldson. They were among the few singers and groups that I idolised as a teenager growing up in provincial Whanganui.
The elder sister, Judy is around a year older than I am, while Suzanne is around 2 years younger than me, and would have been around 13 or 14 when the duo grabbed my attention. A year or two later, they were the prime motivation for me to not to miss C’MON, shown every Saturday evening on the only TV channel available at that time, as they were regular stars on the show. You could say that I had a teenage crush, particularly on Suzanne.
Here’s a black & white Youtube clip of the duo from around 1967 – colour TV broadcasting didn’t commence in NZ until 1972.
The group formerly known as the Dixie Chicks, have been granted permission by Judy and Suzanne to share the name The Chicks with them.
One of my favourite songs. It reached number two on the NZ pop chart in 1987. Written and sung by New Zealand singer songwriter Shona Laing. There’s no special reason for this post, apart from nostalgia.
Living on through politics
Body-guarded, heart in bits
A blue-eyed honesty
Indigo injury
The family tree is felled
Bereavement worn so well
Giving up on certainty
Wilderness society
Wearing the fame like a loaded gun
Tied up with a rosary
I’m glad I’m not a Kennedy
Imagine being a Kennedy
Rule without remedy
To watch your family die
The world loves a sacrifice
Prophets longing for the three
Honoring the tragedy
They hunger for the crime
The privilege to take a life
Wearing the fame like a loaded gun
Tied up with a rosary
Ooh, I’m glad I’m not a Kennedy
Some songs tend to haunt me. They get into my head and stay – sometimes long after the welcoming mat has been withdrawn. But there are a few that I’m happy to have stay for an extended period. One song in particular has bitter sweet memories.
It was written to honour the memory of a former work mate of mine. Greg became the fifth staff member of the local branch of the multinational I.T company I worked for. He was around ten years younger than I was, and we worked together for around two years. He left the company around 1980 to join a local band, which from memory, was called something like Straight Flash.
Greg was very likeable. He was always charming, humorous and witty, always polite, and very considerate of others. In other words he was real gentleman, even though he was still in his teens. Travelling took up a lot of our work day and sometimes two of us might spend up to six hours in one day as we traveled between various jobs. We’d take turns at driving, and whoever was in the passenger seat usually did most of the talking. To be honest, I can no longer recall what we talked about, but I remember that I enjoyed his company as talk was not oriented towards sport and other topics that typically occupy the minds of teenage males.
Unfortunately the branch manager was one of those people who can often be heard starting a comment with “I’m not a racist, but…”. To him all Māori were lazy, and incompetent of performing tasks that require intelligence and skill. While he acknowledged Greg’s courtesy, and reluctantly conceded Greg’s grooming was always immaculate, in fact better than anyone else our small team, he was always critical of Greg’s ability as an engineer. It was the criticism he was constantly under, I believe, that caused him to leave the company and seek greener pastures the music industry.
Eventually Greg became a very close friend of Bono from the band U2 after a chance late night meeting when the band was touring Aotearoa New Zealand. Greg took Bono to the inaptly named One Tree Hill (it’s a volcano, not a hill, and although there was a lone tree near the summit, that was removed for safety reasons several decades ago). The “hill” is of great spiritual significance to the Māori, and apparently Greg successfully conveyed much of the meaning to Bono.
Unfortunately Greg was killed in a motor vehicle crash in Ireland in 1986. This song was composed in Greg’s memory and the vocals were recorded in a single take because Bono didn’t feel he would be able to do more.
I often think of Greg, and wonder what he could have achieved if his life wasn’t cut so short at the young age of 26. Hearing this song as I did this morning, always brings his memory back to the front of my mind. I still miss him. R.I.P. Greg Carroll.
One Tree Hill
We turn away to face the cold, enduring chill
As the day begs the night for mercy love
The sun so bright it leaves no shadows
Only scars carved into stone
On the face of earth
The moon is up and over One Tree Hill
We see the sun go down in your eyes
You run like river, on like a sea
You run like a river runs to the sea
And in the world a heart of darkness
A fire zone
Where poets speak their heart
Then bleed for it
Jara sang, his song a weapon
In the hands of love
You know his blood still cries
From the ground
It runs like a river runs to the sea
It runs like a river to the sea
I don’t believe in painted roses
Or bleeding hearts
While bullets rape the night of the merciful
I’ll see you again
When the stars fall from the sky
And the moon has turned red
Over One Tree Hill
We run like a river
Run to the sea
We run like a river to the sea
And when it’s raining
Raining hard
That’s when the rain will
Break my heart
Raining…raining in the heart
Raining in your heart
Raining…raining to your heart
Raining, raining…raining
Raining to your heart
Raining…raining in your heart
Raining in your heart..
To the sea
Oh great ocean
Oh great sea
Run to the ocean
Run to the sea
Another Spectrum 
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