Today, 18 June, is Autistic Pride Day, and this year’s theme is “Taking the mask off“. As much as I would hope that masking could be abandoned today, society is yet to embrace neurodiversity, and for many of us masking is still an everyday necessity. This is my masking story:
It wasn’t until I reached the age of 60 that I discovered I was autistic. Looking back, I didn’t realise the extent to which I had been masking throughout my life. The fear of being perceived as “different” or odd, and the subsequent risk of bullying or assault, drove me to remain as inconspicuous as possible. This was particularly challenging as I struggled to comprehend or mimic the facial expressions and body language of my peers.
Despite a desire for social contact, my attempts were often seen as clumsy. More often than not, this led to rejection, and at times, ridicule, bullying, and even violence. At the age of 50, I fell seriously ill, yet doctors couldn’t pinpoint a specific cause. Overwhelmed by exhaustion and mental confusion, I was forced to cease working for four months. Upon my return, the same symptoms resurfaced, leading me to take early retirement six months later, as I could no longer meet the demands of my job.
A decade later, the revelation of my autism cast my previous illness in a new light. Health professionals now suspect that what I experienced was likely autistic burnout, a consequence of a lifetime spent masking. Now at 75, I’ve learned to lower my mask around family and friends. However, with strangers, I still find it necessary to mask, albeit not as intensely as before. Without it, I’m often viewed as simple, met with suspicion, or worse, ignored and treated as less than fully human.
Another Spectrum 
18 Jun, 2024 at 3:10 pm
I hope this has been a good day for you and yours, and that you got to relax and be you relaxed.
18 Jun, 2024 at 4:01 pm
Thank you. Yes, like most days in recent years, I spend the day in the company of my good wife of 62 years. Often it’s just she on her computer and me on mine, chatting and conversing with online friends. But here’s plenty of other activities we enjoy – some together, some separately, and all at a leisurely, relaxed pace 😊
19 Jun, 2024 at 5:35 am
That’s the good life! 😊
18 Jun, 2024 at 9:06 pm
I hope you will understand when I say to you I will not offer greetings on Autusm Pride Day — because people with ASD need to celebrated 365.25 days a year. I have spent many years working with people on the spectrum, and I know why masking is probably the greatest coping mechanism for those with autism. I do not even know when the first time was I heard this diagnosis, but it certainly helped to understand and accept that many of the people I worked with existed on the spectrum. The words previously used to describe some people were not fit for human dialogue.
I certainly applaud you for having reached 75 years of life (I will be there later this year also) without having been shut away in a place no one can see you — that cannot have been easy.
Take care my friend. Keep on keeping on.
18 Jun, 2024 at 9:12 pm
Just to clarify, I do not celebrate any day that centers on difference, including National Aboriginal Day in Canada, which would be a day for me if I allowed it. We are all people, human beings — living beings. Any differences are in the eyes of the beholders.
18 Jun, 2024 at 10:04 pm
I think I understand what you mean, but I think it is important to say that I don’t see Autistic pride day or any similar day as celebrating difference. I see them as celebrating diversity.
Diversity is the lifeblood of our existence. It’s not about highlighting what sets us apart – like in gay pride or autistic pride events – but about embracing the rich tapestry of all our unique qualities. When we focus solely on differences, we risk ranking them, which can lead to valuing some over others and alienating people. Instead, celebrating diversity means we’re appreciating everyone’s contributions to a collective whole that’s greater and more vibrant than any one individual.
19 Jun, 2024 at 12:27 am
Put like that, Happy Autism Pride Day, Barry. I’m just not sure others see it that way..
19 Jun, 2024 at 12:46 am
“I’m just not sure others see it that way.. That’s why my advocacy continues 🙏
19 Jun, 2024 at 1:05 am
Keep on fighting for what you believe in. I’m still fighting to give the word “Indian” back to people from India. It is hard when many of my own people think they are Indian, when they are inhabitants of Turtle Island .
18 Jun, 2024 at 11:03 pm
All forms of diversity need to be valued and appreciated. The alternative to diversity is atrophy.
With the benefit of hindsight, I think that in my case, masking was/is as much a defense mechanism as a coping mechanism., but whatever it is it’s not sustainable indefinitely. It doesn’t come easier with age. For me it came to a head when I was 50, and if I hadn’t had a supportive family I shudder to think what the outcome might have been.
As I don’t doubt you know, autistic traits vary widely from one autistic person to another. My autistic traits would never have led to an autism diagnosis in the 1950s, 1960s or 1970s as the criteria then was so different from today. My peers considered me too weird to play with, but adults (apart from family) saw me as being variously very intelligent, below average intelligence, ultra shy, rudely arrogant, opinionated, having no thoughts of my own, unable to speak in whole sentences, using language many years in advance of my age, being uncooperative, being overly compliant, being too literal, being too abstract. I was a set of impossible contradictions with no middle ground.
“The words previously used to describe some people were not fit for human dialogue.” Many of those words are still used, even by those who should know better. Often it’s “spoken” by how they interact, such as the health professional who, on learning I am autistic, ceased conversing with me and redirected all conversation to my wife, including asking about symptoms I experienced. Even when he was about to poke or prod me, he told the wife what he was about to do, not me directly.
19 Jun, 2024 at 12:32 am
Doctors are often the worst of the bunch. They categorize everything!
19 Jun, 2024 at 12:49 am
That’s what they are trained to do, unfortunately 😒
19 Jun, 2024 at 2:21 am
Hi. Happy Autistic Pride Day, Barry. I am happy you are at a place in your life you can live openly and happily as who you are, not hiding a difference that shouldn’t even need to be hidden. I found trying to hide who I was, my differences from the surrounding majority to fit into their assumed normal tore part small parts of me daily, destroying Scottie a little bit each day as I hid to make them … feel society was all just like them for them. I know when I stopped masking for them, when I took pride in who I am, what I feel, and took my rightful at the table I stopped losing those bits of me, and they grew back much stronger. I wish you and your spouse the very best. I want to thank you, your open willingness to explain autism and your experience to me. Have a wonderful day and better yet have a wonderful grand year. Best wishes. Scottie