Triggers

Many folk who have experienced a trauma develop emotional triggers that can be set off by apparently innocuous events. This is perfectly understandable. I have a few of my own.

Usually, when someone is triggered others display some degree of empathy or sympathy to that person and make some allowances for the response. Usually, the party or event that inadvertently caused the trigger is not considered blameworthy because there is usually no reason for them to think their action could be harmful..

So how come, no matter whether I’m the trigger or the triggered, I’m an arsehole and the other party is the victim. How does that work?

Sweet as bro… but sexiest?

We are all deeply honoured at the title, but seriously, we’re not convinced. In fact you could say that we’re incredulous about the fact that a survey of 1.6 million people worldwide found Nyuzild (or Newzild) is ranked number one. Especially when most Kiwis would place it well outside the top ten rankings(but still above Afrikaans and Strine).

What am I referring to? It appears a survey of 1.6 million people in more than 60 countries worldwide conducted by Travel website Big 7 Media voted the Kiwi accent the world’s sexiest. I mean you’ve got to be kidding, right? Surely the French and Italian accents are in a different league from those of Aotearoa New Zealand, South Africa, or Australia?

But in case I’ve got it wrong, here’s some sexy film scenes dubbed with the Kiwi Accent. I can’t say it’s an improvement:

Perhaps, as pointed out by socio-linguist Miriam Meyerhoff in a NewstalkZB article, the awareness people have about New Zealand and people’s attitudes towards the other things that are seen as being iconic in New Zealand, such as natural beauty and its remoteness have probably been more influential than the sounds of our voices, especially as the Kiwi accent is often confused with that of Australia. That to me seems a more rational explanation than the way we sound. What do you think?

Chur bro.

What a load of bull!

Whenever I travel to Whanganui to visit friends and family, I pass through the small town of Bulls (population: 1,800). There is not much that is particularly remark-a-bull about the town, except it enjoys making unforget-a-bull puns with its name. They are to be seen everywhere, which does make the town rather memor-a-bull. A large sign as you enter Bulls makes it obvious that the locals enjoy making fun of the name: Herd of Bulls? It’s a town like no udder.

Some of the puns are terr-a-bull, others are incred-a-bull. So here, without further ado are just a few of the building signs that can bee seen as you pass through.

• Avail-a-bull: Dairy (convenience store)
• Bank-a-bull: Bank
• Const-a-bull: Police station
• Cure-a-bull: medical centre
• Delect-a-bull: Café
• Eat-a-bull: A delicatessen
• Everything imagine-a-bull: Farm park & café
• Extinguish-a-bull: Fire station
• Fashion-a-bull: Women’s apparel
• Forgive-a-bull: Anglican church
• Full-as-a-bull: local pub
• Indispense-a-bull: Pharmacy
• Inform-a-bull: The information centre
• Irresist-a-bull: Sweet shop (candy store)
• List-a-bull: A real estate agency
• Live-a-bull: Another real estate agency
• Love-a-bull: Childcare centre
• Memor-a-bull: Museum
• Non-return-a-bull: Plunket Society (support services for the development, health and well-being of children under 5)
• Park-a-bull: A car park (parking lot)
• Read-a-bull: Public Library
• Reliev-a-bull: Public restrooms
• ReSpect-A-bull: RSA (Returned Services Association – a non-profit society for ex-military personnel)
• Stock-a-bull: Supermarket
• Store-a-bull: Storage facility
• Social-a-bull: Town hall
• Veget-a-bull: Fruit & vegetable shop
• Wear-a-bull: Clothing shop

They haven’t stopped at building signs. For example, wording on public rubbish bins (trash cans) urge you to be “RESPONSE-A-BULL”.

One company in particular (Palat-a-bull) has taken the Bulls branding to another level. Here’s a list of some of their products:

• Genuine Bulls Cream – Cream from Bulls (cream)
• Bulls Semen – extracted from Bulls with their consent (salad sauce)
• Bulls Eye Chilli Sauce – This ‘lord of the ring’ chilli sauce was tested on Bulls
• Grill-a-Bulls (a range of sausages)
• Bulls Wool – It’s about ewe and your baa skin (a range of merino wool products)

A signpost at the intersection of two highways even includes a sign pointing to Cowes in Australia!

What makes this town so remark-a-bull is that it’s the only place in the world where you can get milk from Bulls. I think that’s enough puns for one day.