Back in the late 1960s I was a young adult, still in my late teens, but unlike most of my peers I had no friends or social life – in fact I found interaction with typical teens and young adults perplexing and at times terrifying. I had no dreams or aspirations, but no regrets or fears either. I simply existed. My life was quite empty.
In hindsight, this seems to be to fate of many young autistic males, although it would take more than another forty years before I was to discover that I am autistic. I wasn’t unhappy, but being a social outcast, and knowing one is but not knowing why did create a longing that I vaguely felt somewhere within.
I have quite high levels of alexithymia and aphantasia. I lack an awareness of emotions in others and myself, and I am unable to conjure images in my mind. This is where music comes in. Some music causes me to feel what I assume to be emotions. Occasionally music may stimulate a vague mental image. Very rarely a piece of music may do both. This cover version of Mr Tambourine Man by Melanie (Safka) is one such piece.
I’m not sure exactly when the cover version of Mr Tambourine Man by The Byrds landed on the hit parade, but I guess it was around 1965 or 1966. I had no interest in it at the time, and still don’t. Then at the end of 1968 Melanie released her cover version on her album Born To Be. I definitely took notice of that version. I could feel the hair in the back of my neck rise, especially as she sings the last verse starting from “And take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind“,
It’s an imagery I can actually see, albeit as a black silhouette on a misty grey background or perhaps as a monochrome sand painting or perhaps as a slightly abstract pen and ink drawing. It’s difficult to describe as I can only see it while the song is being played. I can see the frozen leaves and the haunted frightened trees. I even sense the fear of those trees.
When I first heard Melanie sing the words “With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves let me forget about today until tomorrow“, I felt an instant connection. Perhaps I was a recognition that my life at that time was one of near solitude and I needed more. Whatever it was, there was a connection to the song and the singer in a way that I had never felt before. And still today, more than fifty years later, Melanie’s version of this Bob Dylan song moves me like no other does.
Enjoy!
Lyrics to Mr Tambourine man composed by Bob Dylan
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you Though I know that evening's empire has returned into sand Vanished from my hand Left me blindly here to stand But still not sleeping My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet I have no one to meet And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship My senses have been stripped My hands can't feel to grip My toes too numb to step Wait only for my boot heels to be wanderin' I'm ready to go anywhere I'm ready for to fade Into my own parade Cast your dancing spell my way I promise to go under it Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you Though you might hear laughin', spinnin' swingin' madly across the sun It's not aimed at anyone It's just escapin' on the run And but for the sky there are no fences facin' And if you hear vague traces of skippin' reels of rhyme To your tambourine in time It's just a ragged clown behind I wouldn't pay it any mind It's just a shadow you're seein' that he's chasing Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you And take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind Down the foggy ruins of time Far past the frozen leaves The haunted, frightened trees Out to the windy beach Far from the twisted reach Of crazy sorrow Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free Silhouetted by the sea Circled by the circus sands With all memory and fate Driven deep beneath the waves Let me forget about today Until tomorrow Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you
Another Spectrum 
25 Oct, 2021 at 10:45 am
How strange Barry that I have felt just like you many times in my life. And that it should be Melanie who made such a profound difference to me also. The difference was her version of the Stones, Ruby Tuesday. She makes such a difference to songs like these. II was always a fan after that. Music can allow me to recognise and even share emotions, especially Motown, which can reduce me to tears. I was ever friendless which may say more about me than I like since I was never labelled autistic though perhaps bi-polar has a similar effect.
I’m glad you go your diagnosis and also your little awakening by Melanie that can still move you.
Hugs